Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
