I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
