Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize