Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
