i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
