you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
