Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize