and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
