I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
sarcasm needs its own font
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
