I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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