Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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