at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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