where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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