Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
