No stitches, just platelets and will power
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
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