Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
