I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
