There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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