five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
