All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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