I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
