apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
