o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I love having hate sex.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
