Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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