Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
