I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
