Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
