I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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