I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
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