I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
