When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
