dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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