I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
