remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
How does one acquire holy water?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
