Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
