when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize