If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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