i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
