Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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