I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Nicole vs. Life
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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