i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
