ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize