You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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