I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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