just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Hippo gnu deer
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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