she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
