Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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