apparently the secret to your success is patron
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
