nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
