i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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