You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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