I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
i think i just lost a toe
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize