Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You ate ashes out of my bong
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize