so that wasnt chicken after all
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
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