I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
