i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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