I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
