Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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