if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
