anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
