I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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