And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize