Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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