you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
