she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
