I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Watching her eat just hurts me
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Randomize
