I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Randomize
