I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
