I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
