1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
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