Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
