I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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