So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
