First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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