You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
