planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
