I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize