Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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