I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
from now on my penis is your penis
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
