Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
