I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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