If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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