shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
