I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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