I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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