oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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