she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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