Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
